


What It Takes to Stay and Fight

by OTPshipper98



Series: Harry Potter in English [36]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Draco and Harry Actually Communicating Even Though They're Both Hurt, Hugs, Lucius Malfoy Being an Asshole, M/M, Trauma, Unhealthy behaviour, couple arguments, toxic parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 18:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18609736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTPshipper98/pseuds/OTPshipper98
Summary: Harry's had enough of Lucius's words worming their way through Draco's head.





	What It Takes to Stay and Fight

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so. This was written in a vent. I was trying to represent how these kinds of situations feel for me in real life, which is not to say that I believe Harry is in the right here -- or Draco, for that matter. I also don't think that anyone should be their partner's therapist -- but I do believe communication and mutual support are essential in any relationship, and especially so when they've gone through trauma.
> 
> Harry's strong reaction to Draco belittling himself is due to his own history of abuse. He always fought against the Dursleys and what they said and did to him, and so he finds it really difficult to accept and understand that Draco, the person he loves, can't do the same.
> 
> Thanks to writersummer for betaing ❤

“Will you _stop_!”

Draco's lips pressed into a thin line. He looked taken aback. Harry clenched his fists.

“I love you, Draco. I _love you_. But I can't do this anymore.”

“Harry—”

“I can't keep watching you bend to your knees before him over and over _and over_ _again_ , hurting yourself just so he can't hurt you first. I can't.” Harry turned around. He didn't want Draco to see the pain on his face. “Your father tells you you're worthless, and you believe him. He tells you you're evil, and a monster, and you believe him. He tells you to hurt people and you do it. You let him make every decision for you and you don't fight back.” He exhaled. “I fell in love with a person, Draco. Not with a puppet.”

“So that's what I am now? A _puppet_?” Draco snapped. “Have you any idea how many times he's said all those things to me? How— how _terrified_ —”

“I do.” Harry sighed, then slowly, painfully, turned back around. “I've heard those things all my life too. And you know it.”

“Yeah.” Draco swallowed. “And I'm glad you didn't believe them, but it's not as easy for everyone to just ignore—”

“It is,” Harry said. “It could be. You could be your own person, Draco. You just don't want to. It's easier to be who he planned for you to be.” A shiver passed through him. Shit. He really was going to say it. “And it's… fine. It's fine if that's what you choose. Just— don't expect me to stay around and see you hurt yourself like this.”

Draco didn’t say anything, and Harry made his way to the door. He grabbed his jacket from where it was draped on the sofa. When his hand rested on the doorknob, he looked back.

Draco was crying.

Harry opened the door.

“You call me a coward.” Draco’s voice almost didn’t stop him. Almost. But just as he was about to close the door behind himself, _between them_ — about to hear the soft, final _click_ , the next words made it through to him. “You call me a coward, but what does that make you?”

Harry leaned his forehead against the door. Shivered at the fear in Draco’s voice.

“You say you love me, but you’re leaving me? Why? Because it suddenly isn’t easy to be with me anymore?”

He heard steps. After what felt like a moment of hesitation on Draco’s part, there was a strong pull at the door. He let go of it, let himself stand in front of a distressed, tearful Draco.

They stared at each other as more tears streamed down Draco’s face, as his dishevelled breaths filled the air between them. Stared at each other as emotion after emotion made their way through Harry’s chest, willing him to scream, to storm off. To go back inside and make them tea. To curl up in bed in the safety of Draco’s warmth.

“I do love you.” It came out as a breath, almost inaudible. It made Draco shudder all the same. “I do love you, Draco.”

A broken, “Then _stay_.”

Harry shook his head. “I can’t.”

“You could.” Draco swallowed. “You just don’t want to. It’s easier to run away from it.”

That made Harry snort. Of course Draco would use his own words against him, the little shit.

Draco snorted too, and their eyes met. Draco didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to; the words were all over his face. He was _pleading_ with Harry to stay. And as the seconds passed, Harry felt more and more positive that he’d walk back in. Eventually. Just— just not yet.

He brought a hand to his hair.

“I don’t think it would be _easier_ , love. I think leaving would be the hardest thing I’d ever done in…”

_I open at the close._

“In a very long time,” he finished.

The implication that was latent in his words made Draco’s shoulders sag with a breath.

“I just hate it that you can’t stand up to him. I can’t hear you say that he’s right about who you are, because he’s _not_. He’s not, Draco. He doesn’t even know you. He doesn’t know half of what you’ve done, said and felt in your entire life.”

“I know.” Tentatively, Draco took a step forward. His hand found Harry’s, tugged at Harry’s fingers as he kept talking. “I know, and I’m trying. Don’t you see how badly I want to be just as brave and strong as you’ve always been? Don’t you think I want to stand up for myself?” He tugged again until Harry stepped forward too. His breath ghosted on Harry’s cheek. “I like to think I’ve been doing okay lately. I was just… having a moment of weakness is all. I guess I expected you to help me through it until I was ready to feel okay again.”

Harry closed his hand around Draco’s. “Okay. Okay, I can do that. Just— don’t call yourself a monster again. I can’t deal with that.”

“Okay,” Draco breathed.

“I can’t hear you repeat his words as though they’re the truth,” Harry insisted.

“Okay.”

Harry nodded. “Okay,” he repeated. “Good.”

Draco’s eyes met his again. “Are you…”

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Yeah, let’s go back inside.”

At that, Draco melted against his chest. Harry lifted him up, walked them both into their living room. When the door closed, he let Draco embrace him properly and held him just as tightly.

The rage had slowly dissipated from his veins, but some of it seemed to have remained, because when his eyes found Lucius’ letter on the tea table, the Azkaban envelope torn beside it, his fists clenched again — this time in Draco’s soft pyjamas.

“I’m going to make us tea,” he said. “And then we’re lying down on the sofa with pastries and a candle and we’re talking about this.”

Draco disentangled himself from Harry, a look of pure relief in his face. It hurt to see, but as much as he didn’t like it, Harry knew just how strongly Draco felt about him. Knew what it would do to Draco if he were to ever leave. Knew how Draco would drown in guilt, how he’d hate himself for it — for not being good enough for Harry. For never having been.

He hated it. He wasn’t half as special as Draco thought him to be, and he almost couldn’t bear that Draco thought so highly of him and so poorly of himself.

He hated Lucius for making Draco feel like he wasn’t worth loving unless he was what others expected him to be.

So, he’d make tea. He’d light a candle. And he’d tell Draco exactly how he felt about him like he’d done so many times before.

For now, though, he settled for a brush of fingers to Draco’s cheek and an, “I love you. Don’t you dare forget that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Even if this is an old fic, kudos, comments and bookmarks are still incredibly appreciated! ❤️


End file.
